I read a blog post recently that was written by an individual that was decidedly upset about the release of the 50 Shades of Grey movie citing that if we loved ourselves as women and had any respect for ourselves, we would boycott this movie and not go see it. He also went on about how BDSM relationships are abusive that perpetuate a woman’s self loathing.
*Takes a deep breath to collect temper before jumping up on her soapbox.*
Okay, let me first start off with a few disclaimers. This post just like all aspects of my blog pieces are my opinion only. My opinion as a strong, confident, highly educated and experienced individual who loves herself quite freely. And, most of you know I support crazy ideas like people being free to love whom they choose with equal rights. I also preach the freedom to sexually express yourself as long as it is safe, sane, consensual, mindful (I add this because we need to be mindful about the appropriateness of our actions when out and about in the general public) and engaged with partner(s) over the age of 18.
Now that that is out of the way; What. The. Fuck? What is this person smoking? Women who embrace their sexuality and are brave enough to communicate their needs to their partner(s) thus further deepening the intimacy and physical as well as emotional connection between them is not a sign of self-disrespect. It is one of empowerment and of self-assertion. It is one way to live a happier, fuller life as you are cognizant and in touch with yourself on a deep enough level to stand up and say, “Hey, I like this, I don’t like that, let’s try this.” Did this author think that a woman verbalizing her needs or pursing her desires is a self-deprecating act? In this authors mind are women best to be seen and not heard as well as expected to quietly bend over and take it when her husband or partner demands? Must be. And if that is, in fact the case, you sir, have a fucking twisted view on how a woman should love and respect herself.
Next, a rant on BDSM relationships. A true, healthy relationship between a Dom(s)/Domme(s) and their sub(S) is quite a beautiful thing that many “vanilla” relationships could learn a thing or two from. These relationships are based on trust, respect and communication on a level that evades most everyday relationships. A sub has all the power, a dom will/should only take what a sub gives freely, a dom has to work their ass off to earn a subs trust and hopefully in turn, earning a subs total submission. A true BDSM relationship is not abuse. Sure, there are many posers out there that use this lifestyle to prey on women/men, I am in no way shape or form referring to or talking about that. With everything in life, there is always an asshole or two who has mental issues and wants to take advantage of others. I am not talking about those. A true dom may push a subs limits in many, many ways but in the end the dom only gets to play with what a sub chooses to give. It is a symbiotic relationship that benefits those involved in a beautiful power exchange that strengthens both parties in many ways. A dom wants to care for their sub, to take care of them in ways that many would never dream as they crave this roll and the dynamic effects it has on building a desired relationship with their sub.
I have barely scratched the surface of either of these topics or the supporting psychology behind them that further supports the positivity, love, respect and empowerment that they hold. Another time, perhaps. In closing, I say unto you, sir; maybe more women should see the 50 Shades movie, as well as watch some porno and read an extensive amount of erotica. They should take notes, have some wine and consider how to ask, communicate, implement or play with some of those fantasies with their partner(s). Embracing ones sexuality is self-love and respect. Put that in your pipe, sir, and smoke it.